I lie awake at night, but sleep all day. My existence is in darkness because I can no longer see the light. I walk amongst the shadows because fear has debilitated my will. My thoughts consume me day by day. I am turned away and unloved by many who claim to understand my sorrow. Intrusive thoughts flood in, and amplify my trepidation. I am shunned by society and family. I feed on different forms of therapy to survive. I seek happiness, but to no avail. I am paralyzed as my heart rate increases and I start to sweat. I hope for release from my pain, but it seems I am destined to live in perpetual darkness. I am a vampire.
Tag: Mental Health
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Silent tears fall
When despair covers all,
And voices are lost
In the summer night winds,
Where turmoil begins. -
Whatever you are going through, there is someone, somewhere who knows your pain and suffering. Who knows the torment and the sleepless nights that follow you. Who knows that you’ve tried and tried again, but you just can’t seem to break through. Our spirits are connected through the pain we endure, and one day together our spirits will be free, and like an eagle we will soar above the mountains high with the sun shining on us and warming our hearts. We will breath in the clean air and release all unwanted thoughts and fear. Always remember there are true hearts that love you, and in the silent night with compassion they cry for you.
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In my world I awake to daily suffering
In my world there is no respite
In my world fear incapacitates
In my world listlessness is not unusual
In my world the mind debilitates
In my world there is no calmIn my world thoughts wage war
In my world I perpetually search for light
In my world I walk in ruin surrounded by darkness
In my world peace has become an anomaly
In my world the darkness slowly suffocates
In my world illness has metastasizedIn my world insomnia allows me no rest
In my world I am consumed by my own thoughts
In my world the darkness seeks to consume me
In my world I walk a lonely road of pain
In my world the past relentlessly stalks
In my world nothing is as it seems -
Is it not enough that is has taken my joy from me?
Is it not enough that is has taken away my sleep?
Is it not enough that is has infiltrated my thoughts?
Is it not enough that is has robbed me of peace?
Is it not enough that is caused me to be misunderstood by many?
Is it not enough that is has turned those I love away from me?
Is it not enough that it wreaks havoc on my mind and body?
Is it not enough that it seeks to destroy me daily?
Is it not enough that for years it has captured me?
Is it not enough that it feeds on my tears and laughs at me?
Is it not enough that year after year it increases my sorrow?
Is it not enough that it has caused me great suffering since my childhood?
Is it not enough that it caused great pain to my mother as I saw her suffer?
Is it not enough that it is causes incessant and never ending fear?
Is it not enough that it raises my pulse rate and takes my breath away?
Is it not enough that it renders me listless and numb almost perpetually?
What else does it want from me? -
For those of us who face seemingly insurmountable odds in our lives. For those of us who have struggled, and given with nothing left to give. For those those of us who are misunderstood due to our internal anguish and silent turmoil. For those of us who sit in silent darkness late into the night and release tears without being seen. For those of us who have loved, and lost love.
Against All Odds – Phil Collins (1984)
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I walk a lonely road where no one can find me. It seems that fear has engulfed me, and sorrow has overtaken me. Wide and fearsome eyes glow in the darkness and surround me. I hesitate to cry out, for I have accepted the reality of perpetual futility. Dark creatures hover above; it is my spirit they seek to take from me. In silent despair, I accept that my faith has left me, reluctantly. The road is dark and I can’t see anything in front of me. My blindness in the vast darkness has caused me to move painfully slowly. In sorrow, my will wanes, and my heart beats lethargically. In the chains and clutches of the dark place, my desire is to one day be free. Tears have fallen from my eyes like in a rainy season when raindrops fall from overcast skies. Who will hear my pleas? Who will acknowledge my cries? O most merciful God, please don’t abandon me now in my time of need, for the darkness seeks to consume me, and fear and sorrow have almost brought me to my knees.
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The tortured souls
Who lived in pain,
Remember their suffering;
Remember their namesIn silent torment,
They lived their lives;
Their bodies still,
In the earth they lieWhen the lights are off
In the quiet night,
It is then I cry
And remember their plightIt’s your will and essence
That it takes from you;
There is perpetual darkness,
Though the skies are blueWho will cry for us when we are gone?
For our bodies are tired,
And our souls are worn;
Still we live our livesAnd we carry on;
Still the nights are sleepless,
And the days are long;
The misery and illness,It takes its toll;
My heart longs for warmth,
But the world is cold. -
Silent suffering
Incessant pain,
undiagnosed trauma
And constant rainIn your darkest hour
Remember your name,
Search for strength
You are not to blameWho can know your sorrow?
Who can know your plight?
Who can measure your resolve?
They haven’t lived your lifeYears have passed
And you have endured,
Still the road is hard
Still you long for morePeace of mind
Has been a dream,
Although you smile
It is not as it seemsBehind the eyes
Is where it stays
In silent suffering,
You live day by day. -
She walks in the night’s shadows, soliciting customers as they pass by. There is a sadness in her eyes; a profoundly deep and troubled look, that only the streets could fathom. The years have passed by, and her once radiant beauty has turned into a weathered face, and aging body. The streets are cold and unforgiving, as it takes of her essence and leaves her destitute with no assurance of life or future happiness. She is lost in a world of drugs and alcohol as she sells herself to feed her addiction. Her heart is heavy with sorrow and her story is one of pain and turmoil. She stands under a street light and lights a cigarette. She inhales deeply and allows the nicotine to enter her lungs and invade her bloodstream. Her eyes show no emotion as she stares into the dark night. Eyes that scour blocks and alleyways for signs of imminent danger, while at the same time keeping a keen sense for potential customers as she makes her rounds on a summer night in Hunts Point. She can feel a piece of her soul leave her every time the undignified exchange takes place. After the deed is done, crumpled and dirty bills are given, while more than flesh is taken. Still, the night goes on, as shadowy figures move about on the rough and gritty streets. She seeks out other peddlers of the night to make another exchange, but this time she will pay for the euphoria she seeks; it has become a part of her now. She relies on it to make it through the night. The days wane and the nights are long. It lies dormant during the day, but it is in the night, that the streets are awakened with activity. The sordid cycle is repeated again and again; Faces disappear and are never seen again. The years fade away like leaves in the wind. Some familiar characters can still be seen walking on dark blocks, as the sound of crushed glass can be heard under foot. A look into their eyes, and the soul can be seen. In a moment’s notice their story is told.
