God, speak to me in the darkness, so I can follow your voice into the light.
Tag: Mental Health
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Can you accept my faults?
Can you accept my fears?
If I reveal myself to you in earnest
Will you still be there?Will you use my vulnerabilities against me?
Will you mention them and intentionally try to hurt me?
In my time of pain will you be there for me?
Will you give of your love unconditionally? -
My Lord, my God,
Please hear my cry;
For without your love
My soul will die. -
As I cope with daily life and my own personal struggles and sorrow, I hearken back to what I consider the most poignant scene in the Bible. Now admittedly, I haven’t attended mass in several years, as I believe in total honesty and full disclosure.
The scene or time I am referring to, is when Jesus cries out and asks his Father why he abandons him in that particular hour. I hadn’t read the Bible in quite some time, and when I reread the passage in the book of Matthew, it moved me to tears. To think about abandonment in a time of immense pain and unthinkable suffering for the sins of the world, is something I could never fathom. I carry my own cross daily as we all do. It is heavy but I must carry it. I hope all of you are well, content, and joyous. Sending love to you all.
“Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:45-46, KJV)
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My heart rate rises and perspiration ensues;
I try to hold it back, but it is persistent in it’s pursuit.
I curse it to hell, but it is not easily compelled;
Anger rushes in with the deepness of a well.
I try again valiantly as I press against it’s will,
But I have been infiltrated, now the battle is uphill.
My thoughts now consume me; my body tense with fear;
I cry out to the heavens, in hopes that God will hear.
I listlessly wait for an answer or a sign,
But in a dark room, I realize the cross to bear is mine. -
With tears in her eyes
And in heavy sorrow
She stares at the world,
But the world pretends
Not to see her pain;
With a face of desolate numbness
She sits by a solitary window
To look out at the dark skies and rain. -
Weary souls seek refuge
To come in from the cold
From dark and perilous nights,
And fierce and dogged fights
As they walk into that light
Oh, that divine and wondrous light,
And no more face that night,
That dark and treacherous night;
Where sleeplessness abounds
And sorrow and misery are found,
They were once in anguish bound
In torment they were bound,
But now have found their way
To that promised and glorious day
In peacefulness and light;
To the world they say goodnight,
In tranquil rest they say goodnight. -
As immeasurable pain touches my soul I cry out from the dark and lonely abyss. My thoughts are plagued with grief as sorrow takes hold and paralyzes my will. I have sought peace only to find war; I have sought love only to find hate; I have sought sunshine only to find gray skies and thunderous rain. In cold desolation I lie still as the freezing winds of fear and desperation take my warmth from me. Season by season I grow weaker as I contend with the harsh realities of my wretched existence. I awake to melancholy and go to sleep in persistent anxiety. Who will hear the cries of the sufferers? Pain is a deep and festering wound that leads to infection and sepsis of the soul. It eats away at happiness and contentment slowly and methodically until there is nothing left. The cries and wailing of the sufferers echo throughout, as a sad song is played. Crows gather on a ledge and stare as they bear witness to the mire. The sufferers stumble around in zombie like state as they try to find their way. The road to happiness and freedom seems to allude them, but they walk nonetheless. Their plight would bring tears even to the strongest and most powerful of men. To gaze upon them, is to gaze upon perpetual suffering. To look into their red and weary eyes, is to look into their souls. Souls of deep pain and sorrow. The story of their once joyful lives are now haunting memories of the past. Still, there is a light of hope every time someone stops and listens to their story while giving words of comfort and love.
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The darkness underneath seeks to pull me in. It wraps its fiery tentacles around me as they sear my skin. The cold and desolate realm awaits my arrival with sinister enthusiasm. With fierce determination I resist.
Haunting voices whisper words of despair and self doubt into my ears. It seeks to break my will. I am tired and worn, but I still have fight left in me. The dark place promises me it will take my pain away, if only I submit to its will and renounce my determination. It recites to me soft and sweet lullabies to cast me into a deep sleep; my eyes are closed but I am still awake. I am gaunt; I am weak, but my heart will not fail.
With flames of anger in my eyes, I balk at its proposal and mightily cry out for the light.
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In my darkness
I call for heaven;
My portion has been
Pain and suffering;
In my thirst,
I seek an oasis;
My torment follows me
To different places;
On my journey of sorrow,
I see sad
And familiar faces;
Faces of melancholy,
And despair;
Faces of agony,
And fear;
For these sad faces
I shed a tear,
And hope they find happiness in time;
For the faces of sorrow
I see weeping before me,
Are all mine.
Intimate Compositions 