Baptized in dark waters of pain I arise reborn to reclaim my name. I have tasted the sting of bitter cold; I have walked through the hottest flames. Indifference and numbness renders me somewhat listless. They scold me with harsh words and haughty admonishments. From their defiled pulpits they scream mispronounced words they don’t understand in improper contexts. I look down upon them from above the clouds and I laugh; they swear at me and throw obstacles in my path. I transcend their petty attempts, for they know not of pain and the strength from tribulation that is gained. They know not of sleepless nights and the weary eyes that weep under the blackness of dark rain. I look through their windows and see the sickness and cirrhosis of their souls. Their rapid aging from the years of wickedness and perpetual lying, causes blackness and hardening of the nails and the brittleness of bones. I sit and contemplate my thoughts as a righteous king on his throne. To think they could lie in wait to wound me would show the stupidity of their audacity. They thought they would take advantage of my anxiety, but in their futility they couldn’t find me. I transcend; I transcend then begin again. Submerged in dark waters of agony and writhing pain I arise with fire in my eyes to conquer and reclaim. My enemies must vacate the throne upon which the sword and scepter bear my name.
Tag: Thoughts
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It is in darkness that we have found our true selves. The madness of isolation forces vivid memories of first loves and intimate moments to surface. The restless wailing of souls pierce the eardrums and release emotions within us never before experienced. We grasp these moments like we try to recollect a beautiful dream. We drink sweet wine with tears streaming from our eyes; tears drop in wine glasses. Overcome, we stand one by one and tell tales of love and memories well remembered. As I recollect it was in December that I first clung to my mother’s neck and with love she held me. “You are a good son” are the last words my grandmother would tell me. Red roses on each headstone are gently placed as dusk approaches, but in my heart is their memorial. Smile upon me now oh mother of my inception and in my desolation comfort me like a new born baby.
I have tasted of the bitter portion of misery and wish to consume it no longer. I have dreamed heavenly dreams of walking the endless halls of Valhalla. In the abyss my eyes have grown accustomed to the darkness; I have become an involuntary recluse. It is not I who has left the world, but it is the world that has left me. Passersby see my frailty, and in ghastly astonishment they shun me. The emaciation of once strong muscle and the gauntness and thinness of stretched skin over protruding bone is alarming to their delicate eyes. I am a spectacle of illness in their imaginary perfect world. A leper to be outcast and spat upon in disgust as they pass by the gates of the city. I had once hoped to find love again but found only deception and torment. The days go by, but I refuse to count. Their false pity and insincere well wishes are spotted very easily.
My faith wanes. Will they label me an apostate and seek to burn me at the stake? Will they convict me of heresy if I am no longer willing to pray? Weariness takes over, but insomnia does not allow any rest; the last memory of my love is my head resting on the comfort of her breasts. Hope can sustain, but hope can also be a stark reminder of pain. I stare into the mirror and he stares back at me, but who is he really? I seek answers, but in the interim I long to begin again. At last reborn.
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Beyond vague words that render nothing.
Surpassing all that is shallow and meaningless.
Leaving behind the superficial and insubstantial.
Cleaving to the essential and the perpetual.
Pouring out the essence of the soul
And bearing in raw reality what is and what is hoped for.
Giving of one’s self in fearless devotion.
The coming together of the deeply hurt and scarred
Who find each other in sacred destiny;
The light that is in us that heals all pain with a kiss.
Before you go to sleep my love, allow me to tell you this:I love you.
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Though I resist I am enthralled with your beauty,
Your femininity, and the way you move gracefully;
But you belong to another,
And daily by my own heart I am slain viciously.
My dreams of kissing you are both torment and fantasy.
You are a precious stone, a diamond, namely.
I have fallen in love with you;
In your presence do my eyes betray me? -
Daily, he fights to tame the beast that is within.
Everywhere he goes it doggedly stalks him.
He fights the beast with vicious resilience,
And is deeply wounded, but still he hopes to win.
It patiently lies in wait hoping to overtake him.
The dark wolf sits at the door wanting to be let in …
In feral anxiousness he howls waiting to be let in. -
Though I see, darkness clouds my sight,
And though I speak, I am mute with listlessness.
The deafness of desolation is torturous silence;
I have swallowed the bitter taste of violence.
I reach for her loving touch but she is not here;
The scent of her essence lingers in the air.
The numbness of indifference alleviates my fears.
I search for light,
But embrace the darkness to alleviate my tears. -
Slowly and methodically it takes from me.
Irrationality and fallacy becomes disconsolate reality.
Peace of mind and tranquility is my constant plea.
It thrives on anxiety and gradually leads to instability;It takes from me.
In dark desolation I cannot see.
Dragging my cross I am thirsty and weary.
The seasons go by and I am devastated utterly.
In cold loneliness my existence is dreary;It takes from me.
I had a dream of deep valleys and peaceful streams,
But it was consumed by trepidation and anguished screams;
Exhausted and in blight, on worn down bricks I lean.
Looking on they shun me; my pain is their hilarity;
With rotten teeth and foul breath they point and laugh at me.
I curse them under my breath in anger and with vile profanity;Still it takes from me.
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It is love and loyalty that shall eternally bind us;
Let only health, wealth, love and perpetual life find us.
May we always find each other in ordained destiny.
May your rain be my rain;
May your joy be my joy
And may your pain be my pain.
If you should fall,
Your name through me forever will be proclaimed.
Fire shall not burn us
And time shall not turn us.
If we should fall together,
Then it is together they shall mourn us.
Your enemies shall be my enemies;
We are eternally woven and interlocked
And to each other’s lives we shall forever hold the keys.
If you are wounded in the field,
Brother I will find you
Through the blood on the leaves
And with life I will bind you
And we shall make our escape through the trees.
Our bloodline is unbreakable;
Let us now come together
And commune at the round table,
And swear an eternal oath
For we are not only brothers in blood
But also brothers in spirit and heart;
We will not be moved or shaken
For we are iron against iron
And shall never be broken or torn apart.
In blood let this oath be written;
If one of us should break this sacred promise
Let us here and now vow to be smitten,
And our names removed from the book of eternal vows
Never again spoken or written.
In everything I have vowed I swear to you all, and to the heavens. -
For love we no longer have to dream
We have touched
We have tasted
We have seen. -
With tightening of the chest
And the restriction of breaths
It is cruel in its dogged pursuit.
Intimate Compositions 