I lie awake at night, but sleep all day. My existence is in darkness because I can no longer see the light. I walk amongst the shadows because fear has debilitated my will. My thoughts consume me day by day. I am turned away and unloved by many who claim to understand my sorrow. Intrusive thoughts flood in, and amplify my trepidation. I am shunned by society and family. I feed on different forms of therapy to survive. I seek happiness, but to no avail. I am paralyzed as my heart rate increases and I start to sweat. I hope for release from my pain, but it seems I am destined to live in perpetual darkness. I am a vampire.
Tag: Personal
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A Mother’s love
Is a soothing voice,
A warm hug,
And a comforting kiss,
After a bad dream. -
My lady; how was your day? I have long awaited your arrival. Let me take the time to say I love you, and that you are a wonderful woman and excellent mother. This evening, let us do something out of the ordinary. Let us go out on the town and enjoy the evening. Let me romance you, as we discuss the origins of our love, and remember our first kiss. Darling, you are a beautiful woman; your eyes speak to my soul. Your elegance is unprecedented, and your soothing voice moves me into deep and undiscovered emotions. I remember your tears of joy the day I asked you to be my wife, forever to love and cherish. I have taken you to your favorite restaurant, and have ordered your most enjoyable appetizers and entrees. We will savor sweet red wine with our fine meals, and share desert. How was your dinner my love? Allow me to move my chair closer to yours, so I can hold and kiss you. Let the crowds gaze upon our affection and see the nature of our true love. In these precious moments our love is rekindled over and over. I truly only have eyes for you. The night is young yet, my darling. Let us enjoy live music in an intimate setting, and slowly dance together while we kiss. I love seeing your smile and hearing your laughter, as humor fills our hearts. With the cares of the world behind us, a nightcap is certainly warranted. My lady, I want you now more than ever; let us take our leave and go to our home. We will explore each other passionately, and with profound sensuality. I will pleasure you unselfishly, and we will go to the deeper depths, and higher heights of intimacy. You are my one and only love. Goodnight honey; let us sleep in peaceful bliss.
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It has taken me away. It has dragged me into deeper and darker waters. It seeks to drown me. It seeks to degrade my essence and erode my will. We have contended a long time now. Many moons have passed since that first fateful night. It has left me breathless: it has aggravated me to no end; it has drained me. It is incessant in its pursuit. I have been dragged so far out into rough waters that I can barely see the shore; it wanes in the distance. As the dusk of the twilight comes, the waters appear even darker than before. Sharks and creatures of the night sea stalk my every move; they seemingly await my ultimate end with eager intent. I have lost count of the seasons since it took me from my home. I long for the warmth and comfort of my bed. I long for normalcy and peace in my house, but my reality is suffering and pain. I have swam; I have dove the deeper depths, only for it to pull me back. It has become my captor. It has forced me to dig into the deeper depths of my soul. I have found hope there; I have found the untouched parts of me. Still the waters are cold, and they render me listless as I lethargically wade in the darkness, while looking up at a bright full moon. The stars look down upon me and seem to weep at the poignancy of my plight. My flesh has become wrinkled and hypothermia has set in. Polaris winks at me as my will fades. I will take its signal and muster the strength for one more valiant swim. I will try to break free from the chains, and hitch a ride on the wings of the angels. The waters at the shore rise, as the full moon brings in the high tide; its light reflects on the dark waters.
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The scent of her perfume intoxicates me. She is soft and feminine. Gold bangles on her wrists and she wears her necklace beautifully. She is loving and giving of herself. Always endearing. Always even tempered. Slow to anger and full of life. She is joyful. She is beautiful inside and out; a patient and loving mother who children adore and love. The tone of her voice is as calm and peaceful as a valley stream, and her songs are as beautiful as gold leaf. Her almond eyes are mysterious and entrancing; she is my friend, a queen who would never see her king fall.
When we are gone our legacy of love will forever touch the world and the remnants of our names will be eternally whispered. The depths and strength of our love spoken of like an ancient mystery. I could never replace her nor would I want to; her long black hair falls delicately and rests on the silhouette of her back. I stare in amazement and ponder, what can I do but smile? She smiles back at me and nothing needs to be said; no words spoken. I love her.
She is my lady and I care for her, and trust her with my life. In the morning when I go out she says a prayer for me and when I return she kisses me gently and embraces me in her warmth. I’ve missed her and it’s a joy to see her. We are forever connected, and if she were ever to cry, her tears would be my tears, and when she laughs her joy is my joy. As night falls the moon is bright. I open a window to let in the cool night air, and as she lie, the moonlight reflects on her shimmering skin. Her face and body are illuminated; she is beautiful. She falls asleep peacefully and I cover her body with white linen and kiss her. It begins to storm outside.
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Her elegance and the the way she moves captivates me. She brushes her long hair and begins to sing. Joy fills the room and she is happy. I love these moments with her; the way she takes away the restless thoughts and worries of the world. She is a free spirit. An intelligent and kind woman whose beauty is unparalleled. She is a breath of fresh air; eclectic, and non-argumentative; we come together in love and understanding. We live in peace and harmony. We had both been hurt before and we found each other. Two kindred souls who had loving hearts, and a lot of love to give. We were a haven and a shelter for one another. We embraced and wrapped ourselves in the warmth of our love and we never looked back.
I love looking at her; she brings me joy and warms my heart. We talk effortlessly. So much emotion; so much love. So many feelings involved. I had prayed to find a woman like her; to find real love. A love that can’t be explained or conveyed. A love that is unbreakable. We spent many late nights sharing our stories of hurt and pain. We cried together; we bonded and held each other. We both found a rock and shelter in the storm; a haven for the brokenhearted and those with heavy sorrows. A place with warmth and light; a place where there is joy and peace. We value it; we fight for it. It is worth more than gold. More than diamonds. We honor each other. We love each other.
It is a deeper understanding that is ethereal in nature. A heavenly experience; so much more than anything physical. It’s a transcending of this world, and of time and space. Our connection is an unprecedented occurrence that is dynamic in nature. Exuberant, and as bright as the sun. The immense constellations connect and tell the tale of our love. Light is released and every dark place is illuminated. We are one. Inseparable in this life and the next; distance could never hinder us; time could never break us. Death could never conquer us. Our hearts beat as one. Our descendants will carry our light and spread love throughout the world, touching hearts and minds. Eternally our love will live on.
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Dark thoughts engulf my being as my will grows weak; I am tired but I can’t sleep. I am hungry, but I can’t eat. My essence has been taken away from me; I no longer know who I am. Fear has infused itself in me; I have lost my identity. Anxiety has rendered me listless; it has consumed my energy. Falling and falling; In a deep pit I am falling perpetually. The sun doesn’t shine here. The moon has turned to blood. Floods of illness chase me. They want to test my resolve. Am I loved? Am I secured? I laugh with madness at the blatant absurdity of the questions that seem to follow me. It is my own thoughts that haunt me. Plaguing me day after day like a wretched virus. “Go away, go away, don’t come back another day,” I say, but they never leave. Despair has been like an unwanted friend who has overstayed his welcome. Insomnia has forced me to stay up with him because misery loves company. The lack of sleep has diminished my every step. The days wane, and I have become a creature of the night. In zombie like state, stumbling around on dark streets, seeking hope in dark corners or at least some type of slight reprieve. Other night walkers pass by as we stare at each other with eyes of melancholy. Our eyes widen and illuminate in the dark, as a trail of anguish fades behind us. We are the creatures of the night; the night walkers who convey our stories of pain with a look into the eyes, but we never speak. In silence we walk. At 4am listen closely for the faint shuffling of feet.
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My therapy. Love to you all.
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In darkness it has found me;
In deep waters it seeks to drown me;
It hides from the light
But comes back at nightTo rob me of my sleep;
In the early morning I weep;
There is no one there to hear
My misery and my fearIn my sad and darkest hours,
Alone my afflictions I bear.
A heavy cross to carry;
I seek eternal lifeI cry out to the Lord,
But suffering is my plight.
My every waking hour,
Is filled with suffering and painA horrid creature stalks me;
Insomnia is its name. -
The feelings of darkness surround me as anxiety overtakes me, and fear entraps me. It’s like invisible forces control me, as ghosts of the past haunt me. I’ve tried to break free, but they constantly taunt me. To my demise they pull me; In silence I suffer as they torment me; night and day it overtakes me. No tranquility. No peace, as they bait me. Constant insomnia. No rest; no sleep, for it awakes me. My Lord and My God, why do you forsake me? Will I survive or will it erase me? I look into the mirror, and the person looking back at me hates me. I am alone in my terror. Who will save me? It is a persistent suffering, but I fight the good fight daily. Is there any fight left in me? Maybe. I prefer when the skies are grey and rainy; I have grown accustomed to the darkness, for it has embraced me, and in that embrace it has chained me. I am now a slave to suffering, ever since that fateful night it found me. It was on a dark street in New York City, that panic first attacked me. I fought hard and valiantly, but it overtook me. It wreaked havoc on my mind, and to the core it shook me; it was strategic in the way it ambushed me, for I was unaware that it stalked me. It took my breath and to the ground it brought me; I would have cried out for help but who would understand me? I lay on the ground frozen, for it had paralyzed me. To heaven I will call once more, and hope that God hears me.
Intimate Compositions 