Is it not enough that is has taken my joy from me?
Is it not enough that is has taken away my sleep?
Is it not enough that is has infiltrated my thoughts?
Is it not enough that is has robbed me of peace?
Is it not enough that is caused me to be misunderstood by many?
Is it not enough that is has turned those I love away from me?
Is it not enough that it wreaks havoc on my mind and body?
Is it not enough that it seeks to destroy me daily?
Is it not enough that for years it has captured me?
Is it not enough that it feeds on my tears and laughs at me?
Is it not enough that year after year it increases my sorrow?
Is it not enough that it has caused me great suffering since my childhood?
Is it not enough that it caused great pain to my mother as I saw her suffer?
Is it not enough that it is causes incessant and never ending fear?
Is it not enough that it raises my pulse rate and takes my breath away?
Is it not enough that it renders me listless and numb almost perpetually?
What else does it want from me?
Tag: Life
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I walk a lonely road where no one can find me. It seems that fear has engulfed me, and sorrow has overtaken me. Wide and fearsome eyes glow in the darkness and surround me. I hesitate to cry out, for I have accepted the reality of perpetual futility. Dark creatures hover above; it is my spirit they seek to take from me. In silent despair, I accept that my faith has left me, reluctantly. The road is dark and I can’t see anything in front of me. My blindness in the vast darkness has caused me to move painfully slowly. In sorrow, my will wanes, and my heart beats lethargically. In the chains and clutches of the dark place, my desire is to one day be free. Tears have fallen from my eyes like in a rainy season when raindrops fall from overcast skies. Who will hear my pleas? Who will acknowledge my cries? O most merciful God, please don’t abandon me now in my time of need, for the darkness seeks to consume me, and fear and sorrow have almost brought me to my knees.
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Oh, what summers we’ve spent together New York! Your city nights are vibrant and bustling with life. Your bright lights intrigue my sense of sight, and capture my imagination! I will take a stroll through central park in the warmth of the sun, and enjoy the vastness of the lush greenery. I will taste of your expansive cuisine and drink to my heart’s delight! I will walk the city blocks and recapture the fond memories of the past. I will leave the cares of the world behind, and jump on the 2 line, to look down on familiar city streets and reminisce. O New York, you are the city that I truly miss! Let me immerse myself in your culture and find myself again; being with you in the summer is like reconnecting with an old and trusted friend.
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In sorrow I hope for joy.
In hell I hope for heaven.
In darkness I hope for light.
In pain I hope for comfort.
In suffering I hope for Peace. -
The tortured souls
Who lived in pain,
Remember their suffering;
Remember their namesIn silent torment,
They lived their lives;
Their bodies still,
In the earth they lieWhen the lights are off
In the quiet night,
It is then I cry
And remember their plightIt’s your will and essence
That it takes from you;
There is perpetual darkness,
Though the skies are blueWho will cry for us when we are gone?
For our bodies are tired,
And our souls are worn;
Still we live our livesAnd we carry on;
Still the nights are sleepless,
And the days are long;
The misery and illness,It takes its toll;
My heart longs for warmth,
But the world is cold. -
She walks in the night’s shadows, soliciting customers as they pass by. There is a sadness in her eyes; a profoundly deep and troubled look, that only the streets could fathom. The years have passed by, and her once radiant beauty has turned into a weathered face, and aging body. The streets are cold and unforgiving, as it takes of her essence and leaves her destitute with no assurance of life or future happiness. She is lost in a world of drugs and alcohol as she sells herself to feed her addiction. Her heart is heavy with sorrow and her story is one of pain and turmoil. She stands under a street light and lights a cigarette. She inhales deeply and allows the nicotine to enter her lungs and invade her bloodstream. Her eyes show no emotion as she stares into the dark night. Eyes that scour blocks and alleyways for signs of imminent danger, while at the same time keeping a keen sense for potential customers as she makes her rounds on a summer night in Hunts Point. She can feel a piece of her soul leave her every time the undignified exchange takes place. After the deed is done, crumpled and dirty bills are given, while more than flesh is taken. Still, the night goes on, as shadowy figures move about on the rough and gritty streets. She seeks out other peddlers of the night to make another exchange, but this time she will pay for the euphoria she seeks; it has become a part of her now. She relies on it to make it through the night. The days wane and the nights are long. It lies dormant during the day, but it is in the night, that the streets are awakened with activity. The sordid cycle is repeated again and again; Faces disappear and are never seen again. The years fade away like leaves in the wind. Some familiar characters can still be seen walking on dark blocks, as the sound of crushed glass can be heard under foot. A look into their eyes, and the soul can be seen. In a moment’s notice their story is told.
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In her moment of solitude she has found peace and light in her heart. The tranquility of her mind overtakes her, as her body is warmed by the feelings of love and happiness. She lifts her head to the sky to witness the glory of the heavens as she whispers a short prayer. Tears roll down her face as she releases her heavy burdens, and as the light flushes out the darkness. The yokes of iron that held her captive, and in sorrow have been broken. The hurt that she carried so long has been decimated and replaced with healing; a soothing balm of unconditional love, understanding and peace of mind has covered her. The deep scars of the past have disappeared, and the pain in her memory has been washed away. She has come home to her true self; she has recaptured her spirit; her essence is more precious than the most polished of the rarest metals and diamonds. She had always been a free spirit, but she had lost her way. Her bright light was dimmed by the people who had used her and had taken freely of her essence. Her spirit was like a trapped bird wailing in sorrow to be released into the air to fly once more, but they could never take the hope and the beauty inside of her. Her eyes have cried so many tears, and she has endured so much pain. Nights of anguish without any sleep as she sought rest, but could find only anxiety, as intrusive thoughts invaded her mind. The weariness of her body and of her mind were enough to make the angels cry. Her heart is a hidden gem and light exudes from her. No one can take of her energy any longer, for she bathes in light and her essence has overtaken her. Her spirit has been made whole again in divine healing and she is blessed. She walks in the wondrous nature of the earth with joyous laughter and her spirit is free. The sounds of the valley streams are calming as she drinks of the pure and cool water, reviving her soul once more.
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In darkness it has found me;
In deep waters it seeks to drown me;
It hides from the light
But comes back at nightTo rob me of my sleep;
In the early morning I weep;
There is no one there to hear
My misery and my fearIn my sad and darkest hours,
Alone my afflictions I bear.
A heavy cross to carry;
I seek eternal lifeI cry out to the Lord,
But suffering is my plight.
My every waking hour,
Is filled with suffering and painA horrid creature stalks me;
Insomnia is its name. -
The feelings of darkness surround me as anxiety overtakes me, and fear entraps me. It’s like invisible forces control me, as ghosts of the past haunt me. I’ve tried to break free, but they constantly taunt me. To my demise they pull me; In silence I suffer as they torment me; night and day it overtakes me. No tranquility. No peace, as they bait me. Constant insomnia. No rest; no sleep, for it awakes me. My Lord and My God, why do you forsake me? Will I survive or will it erase me? I look into the mirror, and the person looking back at me hates me. I am alone in my terror. Who will save me? It is a persistent suffering, but I fight the good fight daily. Is there any fight left in me? Maybe. I prefer when the skies are grey and rainy; I have grown accustomed to the darkness, for it has embraced me, and in that embrace it has chained me. I am now a slave to suffering, ever since that fateful night it found me. It was on a dark street in New York City, that panic first attacked me. I fought hard and valiantly, but it overtook me. It wreaked havoc on my mind, and to the core it shook me; it was strategic in the way it ambushed me, for I was unaware that it stalked me. It took my breath and to the ground it brought me; I would have cried out for help but who would understand me? I lay on the ground frozen, for it had paralyzed me. To heaven I will call once more, and hope that God hears me.
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A lady of the night. Extremely beautiful and calculating. Her heart is as cold as a Siberian winter. So many men have encountered her, only to witness their own destruction. Their souls gone forever, never to return. Her beauty is uncanny. She is always draped in the finest materials. Her nails are manicured to perfection. Her skin is radiant and beautiful; her face gorgeous and alluring. Her hair is long, conditioned, and wonderfully curled. Her selection of perfumes are a rare and irresistible pleasure. Her eyes are captivating and she has hypnotized many men with her gaze. Her lips are inviting and adorned in the most complimentary of colors and glosses. The tone of her voice is soft spoken.
No one really knew her story or background, only the rumors that were whispered in dark corners by men and women who had come to know of her endeavors. It was said that she was a lady of the night who took the souls of men; it was conveyed that she was irresistible and many men fell by the wayside after dealings with her. Rumor had it that she left many powerful men in financial ruin and made addicts of men. Addicts of her attention. Addicts of her sexual prowess. Addicts of her perceived love, and her powerful attraction. Still, many men pursue her to no end, as caution is thrown to the wind and reckless passion abounds. What they wouldn’t give for a night of lustful desires fulfilled where nothing is of limits. A night of excitement with a beautiful woman of her skill and talent. Only once have I spotted her; one glimpse of her was enough to invigorate my wildest and most lustful imaginations.
Without a word spoken she had mesmerized me. Incredible. She disappeared like a ghost before my eyes and I never saw her again. I shuddered at the thought of being totally captivated by her. The fate I would no doubt suffer if I was caught in her alluring web. My brief hypnosis wore off and I came back to reality. Still the curiosity in me needs to know her story. I want to know the reasons her heart is so cold. How she came to acquire her skills and prowess. The story of her upbringing. At least a name?
Intimate Compositions 