I lie awake at night, but sleep all day. My existence is in darkness because I can no longer see the light. I walk amongst the shadows because fear has debilitated my will. My thoughts consume me day by day. I am turned away and unloved by many who claim to understand my sorrow. Intrusive thoughts flood in, and amplify my trepidation. I am shunned by society and family. I feed on different forms of therapy to survive. I seek happiness, but to no avail. I am paralyzed as my heart rate increases and I start to sweat. I hope for release from my pain, but it seems I am destined to live in perpetual darkness. I am a vampire.
Tag: Life
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In deep sadness,
The shadows
Witness my misery,
And the torment
Of the dark clouds
That follow me;
Under a harvest moon
I swear to the heavens solemnly,
And to the starlight sky,
That one day
I will be free,
And live peacefully. -
Weary hearts
And tired souls
With sorrows untold,
Seek shelter from the storms
In a place that’s warm,
For slight reprieve
And a moment to breathe. -
Whatever you are going through, there is someone, somewhere who knows your pain and suffering. Who knows the torment and the sleepless nights that follow you. Who knows that you’ve tried and tried again, but you just can’t seem to break through. Our spirits are connected through the pain we endure, and one day together our spirits will be free, and like an eagle we will soar above the mountains high with the sun shining on us and warming our hearts. We will breath in the clean air and release all unwanted thoughts and fear. Always remember there are true hearts that love you, and in the silent night with compassion they cry for you.
-
Look into my eyes
And see my soul,
You will see my pain,
Fear, and sorrows untold;
You will see my suffering,
And you will see my plight;
You will see the darkness
That awakes me at night;
But there is a door
To a secret place,
Where my love is deep
And my sorrows are erased;
It is in this place
A bright light abounds,
And a peaceful stream,
Where my essence is found.
-
Listening to one of my favorites from Sade, I contemplated the fear, the character in the song experienced as she waited for her matador to come home, while expecting bad news.
Sade asks a very poignant question in her lyrics – “Can she tame the beast that is her fear?” I thought about this and realized how profound a question it is in our everyday lives. Fear is indeed a beast, and it is destructive and unforgiving. Can we temper our fear even in the face of adversity?
-
Raindrops fall on me;
Awaken my spirit,
And set me free;
Wash away my inhibitions,
And fear;
Wash away my sorrows
And despair;
I will close my eyes,
And shed joyous tears;
I will lift up my hands
To the heavens,
And say a silent prayer;
Let the rain fall on me;
Let it drench me in the waters
Of healing and light;
Let it replenish my body,
And give my parched soul delight.
O most beautiful sky,
You have looked down upon me;
You have seen my sorrowful heart,
And witnessed my pain;
Now you cry for me,
And you have sent me your love
In the form of your wondrous rain. -
Memories of my father;
Oh wait, I never had a father;
So instead I dedicate this day to my mother
Who cried in quiet darkness,
And lived in silent suffering,
And I remember those nights as a child
I didn’t understand her pain
And the depths of her,
But I wrapped my arms around her
To hold and console her,
As we cried together,
And I told her I loved her,
And we had each other,
Then we prayed together,
And she told me she would leave me never,
Then she said although we didn’t have much,
We would always have love,
And each other;
Then she wiped away my tears,
And I kissed her,
Smiled, and thanked the heavenly Father
That I had a loving mother. -
In my world I awake to daily suffering
In my world there is no respite
In my world fear incapacitates
In my world listlessness is not unusual
In my world the mind debilitates
In my world there is no calmIn my world thoughts wage war
In my world I perpetually search for light
In my world I walk in ruin surrounded by darkness
In my world peace has become an anomaly
In my world the darkness slowly suffocates
In my world illness has metastasizedIn my world insomnia allows me no rest
In my world I am consumed by my own thoughts
In my world the darkness seeks to consume me
In my world I walk a lonely road of pain
In my world the past relentlessly stalks
In my world nothing is as it seems -
I will slow dance with destiny under a full moon and a starry night’s sky. I will woo her with sweet words of love, and kiss her in a moment of passion. I will ask for her favor and for her hand in marriage. O destiny, how beautiful you are! Together you and I will reach for the stars. My sweet love, you have kissed me with a kiss of fortune and success; you have seen my dreams, and have acknowledged my desires. You have felt the passion in my heart and have witnessed my tears of disappointment. Why don’t we take a stroll through lush and wonderfully scented lavender fields while discussing matters of love and our future together? We have known each other for quite some time, and now I have expressed my feelings and poured out my heart to you. Destiny please stay by my side forever, for you and I are in love, and we will face our future together.
Intimate Compositions 