My therapy. Love to you all.
Tag: Anxiety
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In darkness it has found me;
In deep waters it seeks to drown me;
It hides from the light
But comes back at nightTo rob me of my sleep;
In the early morning I weep;
There is no one there to hear
My misery and my fearIn my sad and darkest hours,
Alone my afflictions I bear.
A heavy cross to carry;
I seek eternal lifeI cry out to the Lord,
But suffering is my plight.
My every waking hour,
Is filled with suffering and painA horrid creature stalks me;
Insomnia is its name. -
The feelings of darkness surround me as anxiety overtakes me, and fear entraps me. It’s like invisible forces control me, as ghosts of the past haunt me. I’ve tried to break free, but they constantly taunt me. To my demise they pull me; In silence I suffer as they torment me; night and day it overtakes me. No tranquility. No peace, as they bait me. Constant insomnia. No rest; no sleep, for it awakes me. My Lord and My God, why do you forsake me? Will I survive or will it erase me? I look into the mirror, and the person looking back at me hates me. I am alone in my terror. Who will save me? It is a persistent suffering, but I fight the good fight daily. Is there any fight left in me? Maybe. I prefer when the skies are grey and rainy; I have grown accustomed to the darkness, for it has embraced me, and in that embrace it has chained me. I am now a slave to suffering, ever since that fateful night it found me. It was on a dark street in New York City, that panic first attacked me. I fought hard and valiantly, but it overtook me. It wreaked havoc on my mind, and to the core it shook me; it was strategic in the way it ambushed me, for I was unaware that it stalked me. It took my breath and to the ground it brought me; I would have cried out for help but who would understand me? I lay on the ground frozen, for it had paralyzed me. To heaven I will call once more, and hope that God hears me.
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Lord, grant me solace. Grant me peace.
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I have walked through the fires of affliction
I have swam the deep waters of despair
I have Flown in the winds of suffering
I have endured the storms of pain
I have survived the earthquakes of illness
I have overcome the avalanches of doubt
I have escaped the floods of misunderstanding
I have conquered the tsunamis of betrayal
I still war with the ghosts of the past.
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Wailing voices. Voices that cry out with anguish but are heard by few. kept in the dark in quiet suffering, where there is a seemingly bottomless pit or black hole. A place where time is suspended and reality is turned on its head. Where sorrows are increased, and heavy burdens wear on even the strongest of men. Tears have been shed here; a vast ocean of tears abound. In the distance if you look closely, a woman can be seen sobbing in that dark place underneath the shadows. Her candle is lit, but dim. She turns away quickly to hide her face. She has been there many years, trapped in misery, and in the clutches of loneliness and self-doubt. In her hiding, she wants to be seen. In her quiet sobbing, she wants to be heard.
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Fear. A
virulent plague penetrating bone, bore deep down into the bone marrow infecting exceedingly efficient, poisoning the blood stream. It shows no mercy to its hosts, leaving behind a shell of what was, or what could have been. Rendering its verdict with lightning speed before withdrawing to its place of darkness, where many like it exist. Day and night they feed on their hosts with unrelenting hunger. The ugliness, the unsightly ugliness of it is hard to fathom. Its trail of carnage is the making of nightmares; the stench sears one’s nostrils. Victims stumble around in the dark on cold nights searching for release and relief. The bottle becomes a close friend and narcotics a savior. Street lights tower above and witness their moments of slight reprieve. The sounds of splintered glass under shuffling feet signal their hour of desperation. Passersby look on in horror, but render no aid. Rodents display red beady eyes as they peer out of dark shadows to bear witness to the mire. Eyes, it is in those weary eyes, that you see the pain and plight of the sufferers. The eyes that look through you, the weeping, the misery. The thousand-yard stare is cast and it is frightening, almost crippling. Fear and anxiety are the masters of their torment, their faces are the faces of sorrow. Tears stream down weathered and wrinkled flesh, despondent faces indeed tell the tale of their wretched existence. Stories of a lifetime told in the blinking of an eye; the harrowing details of which can frighten the reader and instill fear in the listener. Fear, behind the eyes is where it dwells. Behind the eyes, is the place of their torment. -
A barren and desolate land where tumult and disquietude pursues you to no end. A place of deep darkness in the vastness of the other world. Crows spread their wings and navigate their way through thick putrid air. Their piercing cries and calls can be faintly heard in the other realm; their dark feathers conceal them from sight. Only an occasional glow of the eyes can be seen. I can see the other side, almost touch it, but I cannot cross over. Invisible shackles hold me back. For years I have sought to destroy them, but most have proven elusive. Those close to me have witnessed the shackles. They see them clearly, and they have toiled endlessly to release me, but alas I still remain in bondage. Strangers jeer with presumption; I cleave to hope with frayed thread. My movements are controlled and orchestrated by unforgiving and unseen forces. They render me lethargic and wilted. Obscurity has been an unwanted friend and we have abode now more seasons than I wish to count. The portal to the other side grows smaller and smaller by the year, by the day, by the hour. As the hour is upon me, I am incessant in my pursuit to reach it, to break through the dark layers and let light flood in. Will anyone assist? Is anyone there? My own echoes confirm my plight. I am resigned to my fate. Miraculously, fire still burns within me. I must conceal it in a secret place, lest the crows and whisperers of the night gaze upon it and uncover my resolve.
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He has been through so much pain. In darkness and loneliness he sits and keeps his hurt inside. He is a child and he deserves love and protection, but he has been victimized and unloved.
She sits with a bruised body and a face of sorrow. Time and time again she is abused by the hands of the man who claims to love her. She suffers in lonely silence.
In a room he lies on his bed, unable to move; unable to function. Mental illness wreaks havoc on his mind and he has lost all hope. He had lost his family due to his illness and is now living in hell and torment.
She was a joyous and happy woman. A wonderful mother and beautiful wife. She now is seen in dark places, and her face of beauty has now turned into a face of weariness and hard life. She has fallen victim to the scourge of addiction and the dark streets feed on her soul. She has nothing left but the faint memory of her children. She cries inside but she cannot break the power of addiction that now rules over her.
Who will cry for these souls?
Who will cry for the weary?
Who will cry for the oppressed?
Who will cry for the abused?
Who will cry for the tormented?
Who will cry for the sick and ill?
Who will cry for the addicted?
Who will cry for those with no voice?
Who will cry for the afflicted?
Who will cry for the precious children?
Who will cry for the unloved?
I will cry for them because no one will hear their plea. I will cry for them because they are deserved of love. I will cry for them because I hear their cries. I will cry for them because they have no more tears to give. I will cry for them because they cannot cry for themselves. I will weep for them because I love them.
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Lord, hide me under your wings and wrap me in your love, for I am afraid and I drown in my despair. Shelter me from the storms and the rough seas, and be my guide. I am destitute without you; I am a man in turmoil. Do not hide your face from me. Betrayal waits in dark corners ready to inject its venom. My own thoughts consume me to the point of madness. In my hour of torment I seek you daily, but I am not certain you are hearing my cries. Remember me Father and do not let me drown in these deep and dark waters, for I am tired and my hope wanes in my waiting.
The wicked ones seek to destroy me; fear and anxiety have railed against me and they seek to take my life. Heavenly Father, you are my only light in the darkness. There is no rest or comfort without you. I have tried it my way and have failed time and time again; I now leave it all in your hands and I submit my will. Send your angels in my time of agony and shelter me. Erase the scourge of illness from me and increase my joy. Restore me to the days of my youth and encourage my will. My torment seemingly never ends and I strive to find rest in you. Let me rest in the clouds and cause my face to feel the warmth of the sun.; release me from the bondage of doubt and the chains of suffering. Wash away my pain and wipe away my many tears of sorrow; I still believe in you and I will hold onto my faith.
Who can I turn to? Who will understand my plight? Even from family I have felt the venomous sting of betrayal; they had conspired against me, but now they suffer. I was but a child when they plotted against me, now their ill gotten gains have turned sour in their mouths and have poisoned their bloodstream. The sepsis of deceit and greed have consumed them, and have infected their very souls. Heavenly Father, you delivered me out of many situations. I thank you. Perilous times are all around me: the world waxes more and more wicked by the day, but I continue to put my trust in you. My earthly father has shown himself to be a coward. I have no father but you O, Lord.
Hide me in your secret place and show me mercy, for I am not worthy of you. I am not worthy of your son’s sacrifice. I am a man who stumbles in the darkness trying to come into your light. I still hold my torch, but my oil runs low and my lamp is dimly lit. I still trust in you and I thank you Father. Please do not forget me. This is my plea.
Intimate Compositions 