Through the fear
Through the fire
Through deep waters
Through vile words
Through the darkness
Through misunderstanding
Through abandonment
When they leave you alone
In agony standing
Just breathe.
-
-
Torment and agony are the portion of the afflicted.
Behind the eyes is where it lives.
A smile can be deceiving, for even in the warmth
Of good company she is naked in cold winter winds.
Words sometimes cannot be used to express true feelings.
In whispered utter these are the only words she could muster:
If I may seem distant my love, know that it is not you.
When asked how she was, she said,
I’m fine, knowing it was not true.
Ideations of not being here cause her to rush to another room
To weep, wash her face and hide the tears.
Are friends really friends when the burden can’t be shared?
She is loving and considerate, and their feelings she would spare.
But it is when feelings are held in that the wounds are deeper,
And the tears, and the agony, and the wailing.
Even if heaven knows her cries, still, inside she dies …
Unknowingly they take of her, and take of her again.
In their euphoria the essence of her they freely spend.
Beneath the surface she craves light and healing;
In her breath, her preciousness, her torment, her pain
Her aspirations, and the agony of her life are so revealing.
With wondrous eyes she is beautiful and sparkling,
But Look past her countenance and deep into her soul to see her suffering.
Her childhood you would witness; the pain of abuse;
The hell of silent agony and constant misuse.
As I stare into her eyes she nods and greets me with a smile;
In knowing the essence of her, I embrace her, gently kiss her, and cry. -
It was after the silence that I cried.
In a sea of raging thoughts
The mind does what it wants,
But all I wanted was you.
Silence torments unknowingly
And then comes the memory of your laughter.
The love made at night and the morning after;
But who could fathom I would be mourning after?
The storms in my heart shake my core;
I hold on with all my might,
But then I shatter and I am no more.
The man I used to be is left behind me;
I look over to the place you sat beside me,
And you are not there.
Your scent lingers but you are not here.
Is such a fate set before me
That I am destined for loneliness and ruin?
Does my heart not solemnly cry out to the heavens?
Oh what grace would befall me
If an angel walked through my door and kissed me!
But maybe I’m not worthy.
Of the love you gave me, I think about it constantly;
On a clear night at midnight I dance in the moonlight.
You are a dream that was realized but lost;
There is no comfort in anyone else’s arms.
I reach for you in dreams and see your reflection in streams,
But ripples in the water take you away from me.
I shall gird up my loins and scatter my tears on the seas;
Oh that I would see you again in the glory of your beauty!
That I would touch your delicate face tenderly;
And kiss you, and you not turn your face away from me. -
Joyous tears are carried in the winter wind;
With longing and soft kisses we begin again. -
You long oppressed; You anxious and stressed: You night walkers with glowing eyes; You precious children whose eyes have cried; You whom dwell within the corners of dark rooms misunderstood and in agony; You who have endured but hope for more; You who are listless and constantly contemplate death; You mothers who are postpartum depressed, who’s eyes cry and can’t sleep but are tired, looking into your baby’s eyes; You whom dwell on the ledge pondering the finality of a razor’s edge; You who sleep all day but wake up even more tired; You who are chronic insomniacs with eyes wired; You who seek resurrection with protruding veins and euphoric injection; The melancholic of you; You sufferers who daily drink of that bitter cup; You depressed fathers who can’t look into your children’s eyes without the shedding of tears; You who have prayed, and prayed again, with the sounds of wailing at 4 A.M. You who are reviled even by the ones who claim to love you, as they say hurtful words again and again; The distressed of you; The ones who ruminate in tormented state; You who live in hell; The poor of you who are ill but find a way still; You grandmothers who raise the children of your deceased daughters; You who are not of my flesh but are are still my brothers and sisters; You who have fought for years; You who are reading this with tears; I love you.
-
From his soul he weeps.
Tears in the darkness are unseen,
But heaven hears his cries.
The wailing of white doves
Carry the song of his perpetual pain.
In eternal rain, the heaviness of his cross
Is saturated with water and dragged in mud;
The presentation of his torment
is the shedding of blood.
The earth shakes violently
From the souls trapped in misery.
Alone in desolation,
The darkness is his only witness.
It is when pain is concealed,
That the hideous scars of time
Cause horrid astonishment
When finally revealed.
The faces of the sorrowful
Upon the eyes are permanently
Seared and in the mind indelible.
In his stature he is majestic.
He dreams of reaching heaven’s gates
And riding on the wings of the angels.Antonio Vivaldi – Nisi Dominus
-
How can I ever repay you? Your spirit is a deep well of refreshing water. I draw from you. I drink of your essence, and I am resurrected and replenished. My heart belongs to you. I am dedicated to you. You have become a part of me through and through. But my heart, Are beautiful words and writings alone all you can render? Did she not bring you back to life in the middle of the night? Did she not save you from certain desolation in the tormented bowels of isolation? What then do I render? I give my life, all my heart, and all that is within my spirit. The tears of Aphrodite that fell on Adonis’ body are in the same vein of my feelings for you. The gods see your beauty and are envious. Zeus turns his face in angered lust. Selene catches a smiling glimpse of Perseus. Poseidon is stirred and causes the valleys to flood. Your hair is akin to golden waterfalls. The shape of your eyes like almonds. Oh heaven, I count myself among the stars to have received such a precious gift. Your glistening skin under a full moon is like the beauty of a hundred thousand golden harps played by the heavenly angels in eternal light. The delicateness of your aura I will protect with my life. Like a master wine taster I inhale your aroma, and your sweet taste I savor. You are the diamond everyone could not see; you are finely polished and you shine in your beauty. Your cut, color, and clarity are the embodiment of a goddess. In your heart and in your contour you are flawless.
-
The angels cry tears of joy over fuchsia skies
Galaxies come together in endless time
The wailing of doves trying to ascend
Past earth’s atmosphere pierces the heavens
A full moon reflects the sun’s light in awesome wonder
The bonds of fear and sorrow are torn asunder
A new song is sung where the eagles gather
The bears come out of hibernation
To witness the redemption of a nation
Children marvel at their new white wings
And eagerly take their ascension
The dark crows gather together on wires in unison caw
Ravens clean their dark feathers and curiously look on
Lost loves find each other and instantly new life is born
Polaris generously gives of her light
The earth is beautiful under the brightness of the starlight
Aphrodite kisses Adonis and weeps in agony
Hades summons Persephone and shakes the underworld
A sword and shield of solid gold
Graces the adornment of the archangel Michael
The earth spins on it’s axis and repeats the same cycle
The other planets envy the Earth’s bounty
Mercury whispers to Venus in jealousy -
As the moon reflects the light of the sun,
So are you also my light, my son. -
If I am lost, find me;
If I am misguided, tell me;
If I stumble on my path, walk with me;
If I wallow in self doubt, encourage me;
If I am fearful, embolden me;
If I have been led astray, lead me;
If I have been dispossessed, restore me;
If I am in need, render to me;
If I cry uncontrollably, comfort me;
If I am misunderstood, lend an ear to me;
If I am depressed, uplift me;
If I suffer from anxiety, please understand me;
If I struggle with OCD, do not repudiate me;
If I battle PTSD, do not abandon me;
If I say I hate myself, tell me you love me;
If I show my vulnerability, don’t hurt me;
If I am near the edge, just talk to me;
If I am cold, wrap your arms around me;
If I lash out, please know it’s not the real me;
If I say I am sorry, please forgive me;
If you’re thinking about leaving,
Please don’t leave me.
