Intimate Compositions

Dedicated to You

May 14th, 2018

I dedicate this to all of you who have lost your mothers.

Today has been a day of reflection and solitude for me. I have been asking the heavenly Father, what I have asked since my childhood. That oft familiar and poignant question: Lord, why did you take my mother? Why did you let her die? In my adulthood, I seemingly still not have come to absolute terms that my beautiful mother is no longer living. I have asked myself for quite some time if my questions are somehow overly simplistic or childlike in nature. Who knows? I know some may say, there is no one answer, or it was her time, or who could really know the reasons God allows certain things to happen? I guess all or most of these answers would be acceptable, but something in me still grapples with idea of her not being here.

Is it an unrealistic premise to finally find some sort of satisfactory answer to her death? I don’t know. Then again, I would refuse any answer at all to be a finite and everlasting conclusion. At this point I think I will just let it lie. I have been on this hamster wheel long enough, and I have been well overdue to get off and just appreciate her for who she was, and who she is in my heart. Oft as a child, I would ask God why he didn’t take me with her. I was told by family and by the friends of my mother, that I was in the car when it happened. I still can’t remember anything from that fateful day and I probably never will. There is so much more I can write but I will leave it here.

So with that being said, I would like to thank all the wonderful mothers out there in the world. I would also like to dedicate this piece to all the sad and lonely boys and girls who have lost their Moms. I grieve with you. I grieve for you. Please remember there are many of us who share in your pain, and I understand your sorrow. Seek your answers and cry as long as you want to, for you have no cause to be ashamed. I for one can say that I care about you and I love you. You may see your friends with their mom’s and dad’s, and be sad. You may see members of your family with their parents, but remember you are special, and Mom watches over you, and she loves you. Always remember her in your heart and she will live on in your memory.

Blessings to you.
For My Mother

May 12th, 2018

Mother,

The heavens have opened

And received you

In eternal rest you sleep

You carry a piece of me with you

For I cannot see you

But in your presence I feel you

My desire is to be closer to you

In my dreams I seek you

Every breath I take

I breathe you

Your blood runs through me

Who would I be without you

Sorrow and anxiety overtake me

The dark waters of fear seek to drown me

Throw out your lifeline and comfort me

Mother I need you

Father has again abandoned me

He never deserved you

I pray for the day I once again see you

I was but three when you left me

So I struggle to remember you

But In my heart I will always carry you

Always remember I love you.
A Prayer for Men at Sea

May 12th, 2018

O Lord, protect us as we go out onto the sea.

The waters are dark and the depths are deep.

Cause your face to shine on us and do not remember our faults.

Send your angels to comfort us in our hour of fear;

guide us in your secret paths, and reassure our spirits,

for we are but mortal men, and in our flesh we tremble.

Calm the tempestuous seas round about us,

for the waves roar and are angry.

Come to our rescue lest we are overtaken and drown.

Temper the winds that blow violently and that howl throughout the night.

Father, place your hand over this vessel and protect her from bow to stern;

guide the captain’s hands and make them tried–and–true.

Protect all souls on this vessel, and strengthen our spirit.

Increase our hope and resolve in that faithful moment of truth.

If the hour falls upon us and we perish,

bring our souls into your eternal light, and accept us into your kingdom.

We thank you for your love and mercy on us.

Bless us and bring us into your light, always.

In your son’s name we pray.

Amen.
Ode to Dreams

May 6th, 2018

O dreams, you visit me in my sleep,

And infiltrate every hidden part,

Of my unconscious thought!

You lull me with pleasantries,

And induce fantasies of all varieties;

Lovely dreams, you take me away

From my wretched reality,

And cause me to ride on the wings of the angels.

In heavenly bliss, high in the clouds I ride!

The moon and the stars glaring bright,

I glide by Polaris and give it a kiss;

The clouds lie underneath me in peace and tranquility.

You oft have visited me when I least expect

And grace me with your presence:

Sometimes I beckon you to come,

But you come in your own time.

Your vividness enthralls me,

And gives me reprieve

If only but for minutes or hours;

I try to grab hold of you,

And keep you permanently,

But you always slip away.

Before you go this time,

Why don’t you think about it and stay?

You should know how I feel about you by now,

For my endearment for you is like no other:

Last week, you even made me dream about

reuniting with my mother!

In warmth and visions you wrap me up,

But dreams, why do you end so abrupt?

Even so, every time you leave

I hate to see you go.

Dreams, you have been with me since my childhood,

And in a world of hell, you are a temporary escape;

An invigoration of hope and aspiration

to be attained in the real world.

You cause me to have visions vividly!

And make them my reality;

Your unimpeded excitement is like walking on glass,

Across the vast sea!

Please visit more often,

You never have to knock,

For the door of unconscious thought is always open;

Turn on the lights and let yourself in.

I look forward to our next adventure,

What could it be?

Maybe the woman I am to be with forever?

Will she be beautiful and have long hair dark as a raven’s feather?

I will ponder these questions as I now go to sleep.

Old, wonderful and trusted friend of mine,

In my unconscious thought

Is where we again will meet.
A Soldier’s Hymn

May 4th, 2018

I will not give up

I will not surrender

I will not concede my faith,

To fear I will not render –

Furiously I will battle

Precious Lord help me win –

And if I should fall,

Notify my next of kin –

Redeem me of my sin,

And wipe away my tears –

Let me walk the streets of gold

Where there is no more fear –

But if it be your will

I make it through the night

This is my solemn swear

That I will valiantly fight –
Mother’s Light

May 3rd, 2018

Speak to me in my dreams –

And in my suffering look upon your son –

For day by day my afflictions increase

And wars are lost and won

I am in a desert without water –

And the sun scorches me unmercifully

Venomous snakes and ferocious beasts

Stalk my every move, and at night they taunt me

Frightening noises reverberate throughout the darkness

As I hold a candle under a heavy cloak –

I look upon your countenance

Mother you are truly beautiful

Only you can understand my silent suffering

You have looked down upon me from the other side –

And have witnessed my nights of pain

You have seen my tears and cried

Mother – I have seen violence

I have seen poverty

I have seen despair

I have seen pain

Through it all

I have carried you in my heart –

And In a world that’s dark

I have kept your flame
A Dream Of Love

May 2nd, 2018

Love, you have come to me once again in my dreams, and resurrected me from certain death. It was you that I could not see; it was you all along that hid in that secret place knowing that I would need you to comfort me.

Sleep had been a dream and rest an intense longing, for there was no rest or slumber without your warmth and certainty. Like a child I cried with persistency and with pure intention, for I longed to find you in that secret place, but I could not.

I had set aside all hope with a broken heart and many sorrows. A weary man with frailty, and weary eyes that were clouded with doubt and hopelessness. Eyes, oh weary eyes, why do you fail me now in my quest to find love?

As my tiring journey was close to an end, it was there that you revealed yourself to me. In a winter’s dream I saw you. Glowing, and adorned in all white, Oh Love I saw you, and you were beautiful.
Invisible People

April 30th, 2018

The invisible people we pass each day;

Like ghost like figures they fade away.

On cold winter nights, in the streets they sleep;

In a circle of misery a fire they keep.

With stomachs of hunger and pain they bear;

From haunted eyes they weep and stare.

Their faces and bodies gaunt and worn,

Till one summer night from the world they are gone.
Darkness Falls

April 30th, 2018

My hopes and prayers I will keep,
In winter winds and suffering deep.
The darkness swirls and hides the light,
As I face the terrors of the night.
I will not wail; I will not fear,
As darkness falls, it holds me there.
In chains I’m bound in desperate plight;
Still, I taunt the terrors of the night.
If the moon and the sun will hear my plea,
Then one faithful day, I may be free.
In chains I’m bound, but still I fight
For I pray for the day of eternal light.
Until We Embrace

April 29th, 2018

It is inside the soul we weep,

Until the day of eternal sleep.

We carry our crosses, heavy to bear;

Our journeys filled with peril and fear.

We must make it to that promised side,

For there our souls will eternally abide.

It is there that my mother waits for me;

I shall see her again, in bright light and glory.

The days are long, and the path is hard;

I will seek perfection; I will keep my guard.

The stumbling blocks are hard to fight;

I seemingly exist in perpetual blight.

It is because my mother is there,

That I will not tremble; I will not fear.

It is in the night that it calls for me,

But before I go I will see the sea.